Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
