As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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