Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
