Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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