YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
