I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
