loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
