So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
