Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
