I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
