Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
