you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
