her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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