Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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