cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
well you can't waste a boner
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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