Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
