wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
