i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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