you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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