yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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