Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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