she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
