It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
