he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
