he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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