Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wear drunk well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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