Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
