I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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