my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
