i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
