Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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