never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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