I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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