Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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