Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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