His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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