Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
