like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
