You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
