So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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