last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
