Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
