She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
