Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
