Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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