Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
