So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
