I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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