listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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