hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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