That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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