8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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