What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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