I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
